Sheriff's Report

Obama’s List of Executive Actions as Part of Anti-Gun Violence Plan.

The following is a list, provided by the White House, of executive actions President Obama plans to take to address gun violence.

1. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal agencies to make relevant data available to the federal background check system.

2. Address unnecessary legal barriers, particularly relating to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, that may prevent states from making information available to the background check system.

3. Improve incentives for states to share information with the background check system.

4. Direct the Attorney General to review categories of individuals prohibited from having a gun to make sure dangerous people are not slipping through the cracks.

5. Propose rulemaking to give law enforcement the ability to run a full background check on an individual before returning a seized gun.

6. Publish a letter from ATF to federally licensed gun dealers providing guidance on how to run background checks for private sellers.

7. Launch a national safe and responsible gun ownership campaign.

8. Review safety standards for gun locks and gun safes (Consumer Product Safety Commission).

9. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal law enforcement to trace guns recovered in criminal investigations.

10. Release a DOJ report analyzing information on lost and stolen guns and make it widely available to law enforcement.

11. Nominate an ATF director.

12. Provide law enforcement, first responders, and school officials with proper training for active shooter situations.

13. Maximize enforcement efforts to prevent gun violence and prosecute gun crime.

14. Issue a Presidential Memorandum directing the Centers for Disease Control to research the causes and prevention of gun violence.

15. Direct the Attorney General to issue a report on the availability and most effective use of new gun safety technologies and challenge the private sector to develop innovative technologies.

16. Clarify that the Affordable Care Act does not prohibit doctors asking their patients about guns in their homes.

17. Release a letter to health care providers clarifying that no federal law prohibits them from reporting threats of violence to law enforcement authorities.

18. Provide incentives for schools to hire school resource officers.

19. Develop model emergency response plans for schools, houses of worship and institutions of higher education.

20. Release a letter to state health officials clarifying the scope of mental health services that Medicaid plans must cover.

21. Finalize regulations clarifying essential health benefits and parity requirements within ACA exchanges.

22. Commit to finalizing mental health parity regulations.

23. Launch a national dialogue led by Secretaries Sebelius and Duncan on mental health.

Dear Jesus,
I know we really messed up electing this "nutcase" to office the first time. By the second election, we had so many tax ticks and illegal immigrants... there was no chance of "nutcase" losing. I humbly ask you to please send instructions to build an ark and let it rain Lord, let it rain.
Sheila

You are so crazy, George. Lets write a book together...do you know of someone who will go on our bond after publication?

He is a wonderful man and would probably help us out....if not...maybe we can get cells that are juxtaposed.

I am sorry Neil Resident. I wrote you an informative answer back....but it didn't make the cut.

Can we write a Chapter about Teen Challenge? C'mon now...just one. A long chapter. With related newspaper articles. With Sheriff reports. Never mind, it definitely needs to be a book by itself. We will use a title like my friend Lewis Grizzard would have used.Like...Teen Challenge ain't no challenge, They ain't got no fence. -or- Take off that orange jumpsuit, that thang glows in the dark. -or- It cost my Dad so much, I coulda stayed at The Hilton. -or- I am here due to Love and Affection. -or- One day Gray give it away and FAG gave it away even quicker. or Don't make me go to FAG, I am Catholic.

I could go on all night, George but American Idol starts in a few minutes. I really did spend the evening with Lewis Grizzard after his Macon concert, we laughed so much. Nite, nite.

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and suggest sex. That Makes everything better and I go to work... You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon..........You got nice house'

Does Pike have a town named Neil?

Well Honey....I checked famous towns in America and it wasn't listed. How was I to know?

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco….
Sincerely,
United States

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s is tough!
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? What happened?
Sincerely,
1985

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Dear World of Warcraft Games,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,
You’re welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there
because the Spanish invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up…
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant