Strive to make 2011 a better year

Last year at this time I was in an induced coma in an ICU at Atlanta Medical Center. I was involved in a head on collision on New Years Eve 2009 that would leave me in that coma for another three weeks. Being I was driving a motorcycle the accident was quite severe. I had a broken rib, lacerated liver, kidney, and the most critical a torn aorta. When I made it to the ER in Griffin I felt like I could stop worrying. When I overheard a doctor say there was nothing they could do for me the worrying returned. In transport to the Atlanta Medical Center the EMT who kept me company in the back of the ambulance told me its time to get right with Jesus. I am sure she meant well but it was the next worse traumatizing thing I heard that day since I overheard the doctor say there was nothing he could do for me. I have already made up my mind to stay alive anyhow. So I tuned her out like all the others that start with that Jesus stuff. I think my stong faith that I was going to make it was based mainly on the fact that I didnt understand the serious nature of my injuries. But I believe the faith that lack of knowledge has instilled in me is what saved my life. And after all I have been through during this event I am still thanking God for that faith. Not blaming him for the tragic experience. The appreciation this event instilled in me for this short time I have on earth with my loved ones is priceless. I am not dying or anything (At least I dont think so. Brain MRI and EEG scheduled for next month) but even if I lived to 100 I would still consider it too short. But with as much suffering as I have endured in my life I would have given my right arm for this new outlook on life. Today I am left with brain damage (If you dont believe me ask FBT I am sure he will vouch for me!), causing lack of, vision, coordination, and a few other functions that come in real handy when you are trying to make it through a day in this world. And for all that ride motorcycles and have family that do I wish I had an exciting crash story for you. Something like you would see in a good action flick. (And Sheila Tolley thinks all I watch are porn flicks! Shame on her!) But truth is I was riding a vintage 1980 Honda XR75. A childs dirtbike. Out doing a test ride on a dirt road in Merriwether county. A place locals know as "The Valley". I came around the the bend and met with another motorcycle coming head on, on the wrong side of the road. These machines are dangerous. You can be as careful as you want but when a deer or some object comes into your path your options become quite limited. My helmet hit the ground with such a force I cant even begin to think of the injury I would have sustained to my dome if I did not have one. If you do not ride with a helmet you are foolish. If you let your children ride with out a helmet you deserve to be hit in the head with a big stick. I am not saying that out of anger. But that stick upside your head will give a little demonstration of the pain your child is going to feel when he has a mishap.
Now do you want to hear about my son? He is a genius. 15 years old, Drug free, cant get him to do sheet around the house, mild mental illness (Blessed with a family history of it from both sides. The apple truly does not fall far from the tree!), and is not only my son but one of my two best friends. My wife of 17 years being my first. So here I am disabled, strapped for cash, and waiting (not hoping) for things to start getting better. And for those that might wonder about my love for O'Bama (besides that he is black-lol), if he did not modify my mortgage from $1023 a month to $471 I would be homeless. If anyone ever had to wait for there disability payments they might see how this could be real helpful. But again the timing for the home loan modification was perfect. Designed to keep people that lost their jobs in there homes but also helped someone that lost their ability to work due to disability. As Walter Geiger would put it when things in life work out the way HE wants them too, I feel "blessed" for having that home loan modification. But back to my 15 year old son, who is now a father making me a grandfather at 39. How can he do this to me! Here my wife and I are trying to survive through one of the toughest years of our lives and my son and his 17 year old girlfriend make a baby. I was furious. This news put my Bi-Polar brain in a world it did not need to be in. I covered the sex ed. I told him how hard it is to make it in the world. But I still felt like a failure for this to happen. Can my life get any worse. When the baby was born I just blocked it out of my mind. I was mad at his girlfriend (yeah thats right, it is her fault she got pregnant-lol)
and banned her and the baby from my home. Keeping them out of sight seemed like the best thing I can do. Again being Bi-Polar you really have to watch the social positions you subject yourself to. Having episodes have been known to end a few (maybe a little more than a few) relationships in my lifetime. One day I was shopping in the grocery store with mywife and by what I believe you Christian folks would call a "divine intervention" occurred. Shopping in the same store was my son, his girlfriend, and my grandson. It was the first time I have seen the new mother and baby. The baby opened one eye, looked at me and went back to sleep. God has blessed me with such a miracle and I have been walking around like a foolish madman the whole time. That baby looked at me as if he was telling me not to sweat the small things. Then went right back to sleep. Sleep comes so easy for some. My son himself looked at the baby and said he has never loved anything so much in his whole life. I know FBT, there goes another person sucking money off public assistance. But being months old he is to young to get a job. And his young parents are both in school and doing all they can do to better themselves. I think society is better off with them reaching the highest level of education they can achieve. Instead of them dropping out and getting low paying jobs. People should not live of the system. But if you can use its assistance to help get you to a point in life where you can support yourself and your family I am all for it. That is when it pays itself back. As far as my parents they did the best they could to raise me right. I wasnt blessed with parents like Geiger I guess. My parents made a lot of mistakes, my mom looks back and see how she could have done better. I do the same, so again I guess the apple really doesnt fall far from the tree. As for my father I lost him when I was 16 to parkinsons. I do not hate God for losing him. I feel "blessed" for having him the short time. So I can not claim to be raised "right". But my parents did the best they knew how. My sister being a retired master sergeant in the airforce and my brother owning a successful electrical company I guess would account for good parenting. I think my fathers demise to parkinsons has had an effect on my childhood being I was the youngest. But I seemed to be the black sheep of the family since birth so I do not put too much blame on that either. My life has been a living hell. God would not give me what I wanted to feel blessed. Almost every plan I had he would not get on board with. But somehow today I sit here with a beautiful wife, a decent home, surrounded by unconditional love. And not ignoring my mental health and physical health issues I am in truly the best shape I can be in considering the circumstances. And for that I feel "blessed". As far as friends I do not have any. For the most part all the "friends" I did have in life seemed to be wanting something from me. But thinking about it maybe it was me wanting something from them. Either way they where always weird relationships to me. Plus I will ruin a friendship sooner or later anyhow. Usually because of a mental episode where I will snap and start saying things to people that really should never be said. Or act in ways that some will view as unacceptable behavior. But I am far from lonely. Avoiding the stress from being around people has actually given me great peace. It kinda makes sense. Thats why I figure people meditate alone. You cannot find great peace and connection to your higher power with people irritating you or stealing your energy some other way. Some have been known to go to such lengths as to not only meditate alone, but to find a nice dark quite cave to do it in. I can say this year is starting out much better than last. Considering I was in a coma on this day in 2010. Reading about Walters life seems unreal to me. Do people really have such an easy life? Can you truly mature and connect to your higher power with such an easy life? Does a rough sea really create a skillful sailor? Or is that what the shrink just tells me to make me feel better? I couldnt imagine a life without tests and trials. I mean I would not trade my life for anyones. Anyones. Money could not add any more happiness to my life right now. When my disability payments start I will be glad to be able to pay my bills without being a burden to others. I have people giving me thousands a dollars to help me through this tough time. When I tell them I will repay them every single one of them told me they do not want to be repaid. So I guess I am "blessed" with that. But I hate I have to take their money because people want to take their sweet time to hand over money that is owed to me. They made sure they got their money from me on time every week to keep me insured. But now when it comes to the money coming my way they go into slow motion. Lets see what else is such a lovely experience in Geiger's life. The work place. Again as he is living his dream career with a smile on his face, I feel like I was steps away from opening fire like a disgruntled postal worker while on the job. This mainly being due to my inability to handle stress. Not out of hatred to mankind. It might not make sense to a lot of people. But its how some brains work. Thats why i am so captivated by the news and crime stories. It amazes me at the things people do. Things that sometimes cost them the rest of their lives in prison. And so many of these crimes are so senseless. Like the Craigslist killer? Whats up with that? Me and Geiger are two very different people obviously. But when he says to keep it positive he is giving advice that might save your life when you are truly put to the test. Being positive also makes life better for those who are around you. So I agree with that advice. If you follow it I promise this year will be better for you and those around you. I am not saying how much better. Just better.

Hell yeah my son is going to be hitting that clock! Every young man should. Is there a better motivator to want to better yourself? You need to tell your son to put down the "black box" and get a job. Everyone that put themselves through school in my family had a job while doing so. You need to teach your son the value of the dollar FBT. You need to let him see how life without education is. From reading your blogs I thought that would be the type of person you are. You have a college age son with no job? That means he is taking your hand outs right now! So he already reached a level of education where he is smarter than you. If he is not going to take hand outs after college I guess he is going to own his own company. Because you are either handing it out or having it handed to you. But if he takes your advice his business will fail also. If he takes your advice that businesses do not pay taxes he will wind up on a big rock somewhere like Al Capone. I know you have never heard of the charge but its called "tax evasion". And if his business suffers hard times like General Motors your advice will also cause him to fail. You see, General Motors daddy told it to take that hand out from Bush. You advice once again proves catastrophic.

Yes my whole family is waiting on a disability check. Your stupid. My family generates so much money in this country it is ridiculous. Are you getting so desperate now you are going to make things up. If you get real good at it I bet I can get you a job as a preacher at the local church. I will get them warmed up with that Noahs Ark story first! And if it makes you feel better my brothers business accountant makes him pay taxes. Unlike the folks you claim to know who own businesses. And the taxes he pays far outweighs any amount of public assistance my family has ever received. So being my brother is the only business owner you know that is paying taxes you can say the system has its hand out to my brother. But like he says "Its only money". He needs to come to the Bible Belt so he can see how much you folks worship it.

bring? i thought you were gonna give me a ride.