Sheriff's Report

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Sheriff's Report

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Staff Writer

in Crime and Arrests

Wednesday, July 24. 2013

Comments (12)

Between Friday, June 28, and Monday, July 1, the sheriff’s office made the following arrests:

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#1 Sheila Tolley on 08/09/13 at 08:57 AM

1. Accept the fact that some days you're the
pigeon, and some days you're the statue!

2. Always keep your words soft and sweet,
just in case you have to eat them.

3. Always read stuff that will make you look
good if you die in the middle of it.

4. Drive carefully... It's not only cars
that can be recalled by their Maker.

5. If you can't be kind, at least have
the decency to be vague.

6. If you lend someone $20 and never see
that person again,it was probably worth it.

7. It may be that your sole purpose in life
is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8. Never buy a car you can't push.

9. Never put both feet in your mouth at the
same time, because then you won't have a
leg to stand on.

(I know...I do not abide by #2, but I like a little crunch with my food. And #5, some people are too stupid to understand Vague.)

#2 Sheila Tolley on 08/09/13 at 09:03 AM

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate!

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says~~
"Oh Crap, She's up!"

#3 Sheila Tolley on 08/11/13 at 09:14 AM

Dear Diary,
I have always heard that wisdom comes with age. I still worry that my simple questions from youth will never be answered...the answers always seemed so simple but I am ashamed to discuss them with anyone but you.

Why do people call water "hard" and why would anyone order a "Dry Martini?"

Isn't the end result...Ice and an empty glass?

#4 Sheila Tolley on 08/13/13 at 11:23 AM

Help! Calgon took me away.....now I do not know where I am...WHERE IS MY GPS? WHERE IS MY GPS?

#4.1 George J. Mickle on 08/15/13 at 09:47 AM

Baby, Last time I saw it you were deleting s address off of it. If it did not delete lets find it quick. Dead Garmin nuvi's tell no tail.

#4.1.1 Sheila Tolley on 08/15/13 at 04:10 PM

Please check our secret place, George. obama is tracking us, you know.

#4.1.1.1 George J. Mickle on 08/17/13 at 09:19 AM

Sheila, I found it in our secret place and it is safe. I hid it behind The US Constitution,
obama would never look there and Holder does not know where it is.

#4.1.1.1.1 Sheila Tolley on 08/17/13 at 01:16 PM

(I know when I am whipped, My Man, I cannot top that comment and I cannot quit laughing.)

#5 Sheila Tolley on 08/13/13 at 02:41 PM

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

#6 Sheila Tolley on 08/14/13 at 08:41 AM

Little Jonny was assigned a job for the choir on Christmas his job was when the choir sang ‘and the Angel lit the candle’ he was to come out and light the candle. So before the service on Christmas Eve they had a practice. So the choir got to the part and sang ‘and the Angel lit the candle’ and there was no Jonny so they sang it a bit louder thinking he didn't hear them and still no Jonny so they sang it even louder and finally Jonny came out and sang; And the cat peed on the matches!

#7 Sheila Tolley on 08/15/13 at 09:24 AM

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned
on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery.

"My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

#8 Sheila Tolley on 08/15/13 at 09:36 AM

AND in response to that ever inquisitive, anonymous email corespondent of mine....I blog on The Sheriff's Report because I am not on the visitor list of all the current detainees and I wish to share my foolishness with them all equally.

I know your name is not Auntmyname...because I know the entire Anonymous family. But please continue to write to me...I LOVES YOU BABY!

(You are Little Jonny's Aunt, aren't you?)

smtolley@comcast.net

in case you should lose it!

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