I lost it!

Nutri-System, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, etc. Americans spend millions to these organizations every year to lose what they spent to gain. I know this is true because I have lost and gained about five people in my lifetime.

We actually go into these places and pay them to tell us that we are overweight. They advise us to eat lettuce instead of chocolate cake. We already know it. We act as if we must have their permission to lose weight. I am going to start messing with these people. It will be something fun to do when I get bored. I am going to Jenny Craig and say, "Look Jenny, I came here five years ago and lost thirty pounds. I have decided that I want them back." I'll have her check my file in case someone put them in there.

Have you noticed that the people always on a diet are about the size of a zipper? They are so small that they must run back and forth to break the beam on electronic doors at the supermarket. It makes me want to force feed them. But I must be content with just sneaking twinkies in their buggy while they are analyzing the celery. It makes me crazy.

Aha! that gives me a thought. I will open a business. I will allow people to come in, sign a long contract, give me a bunch of money, and I will allow them to lose their minds. I will have a toll free number, 1-800-IAM-NUTS.

Suppose someone signs my long, drawn out, expensive contracts to lose their mind and are not completely satisfied? No problem. I will refer them to my other business. It costs more and has longer contracts. I have a two for one deal on Wednesdays. You can lose your temper and your patience at the same time. Hurry! The line to lose your patience may be long.


Submitted by: Sheila Tolley