Jeffrey Taylor
Meansville man gets life in prison
A Pike County man is one of three who will spend the rest of their lives in prison after being sentenced for murder in Harrison County, W.Va., on Oct. 28.
Ol' "Kracker" Jeff Taylor is now a member of the West Virginia Prison Sports League with a lifetime contract containing a no-cut clause. He pulls down enormous renumeration consisting of 3 hots and a cot. Jeff Taylor's generous benefits are supplemented by nickels and dimes deposited into his Prison Pogie Bait account by a few family members and two "friends". That is a huge income for a former Meansville gutter snipe who has never held productive employment while mooching and appropriating off the goodness of others. The WV Prison Sports League will work out for him.
"Kracker" Jeff will quickly develop into an All-Star if he continues to practice his past proclivites learned with his homies. There have been blogs that Jeff is a good Wide Receiver. He once was a Tight End, butt, that area quickly developed into a sore spot after Jeff misread many errant passes. It is believed by many that Jeff is a capable receiver and can hold that position longer. His talents as a straight QUARTERBACK are somewhat flaccid as it is reported Jeff is unable to line up correctly behind the CENTER and penetrate as a capable thrower. His movements are as slow as a Pike County pot head fleeing from Jimmy Thomas.
Murdering Jeff will get things straight between him and his new bunkies while they TACKLE available positions. All the GUARD spots are filled and no emollient input from the WARDEN (Coach) will be provided.
IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED:
That murdering product of a malodorous peristaltic movement maintains his MySpace page from prison with his mobile phone!
"Kracker Jeff" has logged on today to update his feelings. aint that sweet?
GO TO:
http://www.myspace.com/Kracker1388thriple6
Be sure to navigate through his
"KRACKER LIFE WITHOUT MERCY..WT* and get a glimpse of his "friends" and "his babys momma"...what a winner she is!
"Kracker" Jeff displays his talented ability to "shoot birds" in his MySpace photo. That magnificent photographic wonder is suitable for framing to be hung over the fireplaces of all future MURDER wannabe prison inamtes.
Do you suppose "Kracker" Taylor, Jennifer Clark, Teresa Burousas and Jamie Weiss could obtain joint FaceBook and Twitter accounts? The taxpaying public would be able to "follow" this murdering circle jerk during their tribulations of PRISON LIFE? What a concept!
I'm sure there has to be an obama government subsidized program out there for free cell phones and free FaceBook and Twitter. Think so?
Legal Disclaimer:
Burousas,Clark,and Weis are accused MURDERERS. They are included in this Sporty Article as notorious local public figures not yet convicted.
Call N. Alcars
Sporty Writer
You are absolutely the best satirical writer I have ever had the pleasure of following. With your imaginative use of words, intelligence, and sense of humor..........I wish Walter would hire you. I still laugh when I read your descriptive dialogue of your trip to the Meansville Fair. You are phenomenal. Keep a' writing.
It is out of the realm of possibility for Mr. Geiger to hire me. First, I could not afford to pay him for that endeavor. Secondly, I am hiding out in the Witless Protection Program administered by our 'Justus Department' and my true identity would be compromised. At this time, I can not afford for my meager 'gubment' stipend to be affected. No one has received a COLA!
Regarding the Meansville visit, with my lack of local ancestral knowledge,
I wildly guessed some of those citizens present were original town founders. Botox and vitamins are readily available over the Internet and many old timers there appeared to well preserved. Maybe Jack Daniels?
Sheila, keep up your keyboard krusade against the anonymous krowd while I am up Nawth. That kowed krowd is putty in your kapable hands.
Yo' Pal,
Docktor Call N. Alcars
Phd. Tergiversator Studies
Now look at Georgia? We got incarcerated people that we feed for years that have never been to trial. Our old buddy Weis may even get out after all his griping about his trial taking too long.
Can someone with a good brain explain this to me? Preferably a Judge or Lawyer. Please sign on as Anonymous, I would hate for the general public to think that I converse with people in either of these professions until the new appointees have a chance to clean up the act a little.
Mr. Plea Deal Ballard.
The Revolving Door Of In-Justice.
If my owning a tom cat named Brian qualifies,
I'm someone with a brain.
If my being a judge in the 'Miss Nude San Francisco 1970' pageant qualifies,
I'm preferably the judge.
If my performance as a jail house lawyer qualifies,
I'm preferably the lawyer.
Now that I have established my legal credentials allowing me to submit some psudeo legal analysis, I present these explanations.
1. Three very DUMB nurderers, Kracker Taylor, Alex Bosley and Cindy Allman have a collective IQ comparative to a single wilted rutabega.
These Magna Cum Loud dropouts murdered Terry Lewis in October 2009 witnessed by two Lewis family members who identified the three. Since the trio were well known to the Lewis family, the ALLEGED MURDERS were captured three weeks later in November 2009.
2. After lounging in the palatial confines of the Harrison County jail for 7 months as team-mates in "drop the soap" soirees, the three ALLEGED MURDERS all pleaded guilty in July 2010 to felony murder. They were at that point convicted MURDERERS and no longer enjoyed the status of ALLEGED MURDERERS.
3. They were sentenced in October 2010. A minor plea deal was involved to induce guilty pleas thus saving the expense of a trial. The prerquisite carrot for the MURDERERS consumption was dangled by master cook, Prosecuting Attorney Traci Cook, who agreed to drop the 'conspiracy to commit burglary' charges in exchange for their pleas. It was 'hinted' the judge might allow parole after 15 years served on a life sentence. That was not to be, Judge James Matish sentenced the MURDERERS to LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE! WV abolished the death penalty in 1965.
4. Please note: the tragic murder, capture and adjuducation happened in a 12 month span. This is noteworthy because NO valuable time was wasted by any WV judge or attorney making out in a parked car. Remember? No WV judge was accused of cramming his tongue down the throat of an attorney. Remember? No WV judge was deemed incompetent and wore an ankle monitor bracelet. Remember?
Judge Matish and PA Cook had no time for extra-judicial indiscretions.
BTW: What is Ol' Henry A. doing these days?
5. During ny foliage trek last week, I visited West Virginia twice. After each visit, my 'braniac' capabilities were diminished at least 10 points. Therefore, I hope my proffered 'splainings for Ms. Tolley are adequate. If not, I'll try it again.
Call N. Alcars
Jawjuh 'splainer
You are and have been the best 'splainer' I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in Blogland. I do have one more question that is bothering me. Are our ankle bracelets that we frequently use made in America? Are they recycled or does the 'pled down crook" just retain it for his next plea bargain session? Do they come in assorted colors? How much do the "favored" criminals need to pay extra to get the secret disconnect code? If one is into S&M do they get a whip with their bracelet? How much does each piece of this jewelry cost the taxpayers?
I cannot wait on your reply with this much fodder for you to play with....
My 'splainer is sprained! I'm having difficulty ruminating the abundant fodder in which you generously provided. My literary juices have backed up and developed into an acute cerebral flatulence. Maalox or Beano offers no relief for this type of brain fhart.
The lack of my having an arrest record leaves me at a distinct disadvantage in providing cognizant replies to your questions regarding ankle bracelets. The sum total of my knowledge regarding 'legal tethers' equates to the major convictions in a full jury trial won by DA Milam. Practically none. Similarly, I'm providing a Milamesque plea deal to provide some answers.
I called an old friend named Phoshizzle Jackson who assisted me. Since Pho lays claim to 'street thug' status because of his 25 arrests, he knows of what he speaks.
Q. Are our ankle bracelets that we frequently use made in America?
A. Phoshizzle said he can't read very well, but, the stamped markings indicate MADE IN CHINA...where else?
Q. Are they recycled or does the 'pled down crook" just retain it for his next plea bargain session?
A. Phoshizzle said by the amount of mysterious bodily fluids and chicken wing sauce smeared on the bracelets, they are definitely recycled as he has never been issued one that didn't smell like the inside of a KFC or a San Francisco bath house. Also, when the the police catch you after breaking monitoring rules, you are allowed to wear the same bracelet before you make a NEW plea deal. All is forgiven and the plea clock starts over at zero.
Q. Do they come in assorted colors?
A. Yes. Phoshizzle paraphrasing Henry Ford, said you could ask for a bracelet of ANY color as long the color is BLACK.
Q. How much do the "favored" criminals need to pay extra to get the secret disconnect code?
A. Phoshizzle related that was not a smart question. He said the "favored" miscreants grease palms up front and no secret code is necessary since the less favored have the switch blade option of removing the bracelet.
Q. If one is into S&M do they get a whip with their bracelet?
A. Pho said he "don't know nothing about no S&M or Eminnem."
He doesn't like rappers.
Q. How much does each piece of this jewelry cost the taxpayers?
A. Phoshizzle said "them bracelet muthers cost more than a suitcase of Pike County meth." He said when his homies are monitored, the taxpayers save money cause the 'one stop shopping' opportunity provided at their cribs saves gas money and curbs crime in the neighborhoods.
Quoting Tricky Dick, "I'm not a crook", is applicable making me less informed on the subject than those regularly appearing in the SHERIFF'S REPORT in the PCJR.
Maybe one of those nice folks will reply.
Call N. Alcars
'Pass the Beano"
I am sheila's daughter. My name is Tizzy Nancy Annabelle, my boyfriends call me T&A for short. Mama cannot get to the keyboard to type, she is trying to use a hack-saw and cut this damn ankle bracelet the Sheriff gave her off her ankle. I told her she should have asked for a regular engagement ring like other women. She said, I ain't list'n to no daughter who lets boys call her T&A.
She will be back with you soon. I think the Sheriff really has a crush on her cause he said next time she is brought in to see him, he is gonna give her some handcuffs too.
Sheila's Schlut
T&A